Thursday, September 22, 2011

Elf Post

So this is how we've explained why Lorelei's Christmas bunk beds are being delivered mid-September after the clearance at the Elves' Alaska Furniture Mart: she found this letter in the mailbox today:
Dear Lorelei,

We have received your request for a double bunk bed with a ladder and have made special accommodations to work on it straight away.  You see, the world population is increasing at mind-boggling rates--about 400,000 new babies every single day, imagine!--and we just can't keep up with all those cheeky little brats asking for more More MORE every December and all the year through!!!

This is why I am happy to inform you that Santa Claus has given us permission to find a select few children around the world (and there are only a select few) who are not cheeky little brats always beggins for toys and things, and who are certifiably and verifiably already on Santa's Nice List, based on performance projections.  You, dear Lorelei, have been short-listed to Santa's Nice List, and thereby will receive your much-anticipated Christmas present early.  Tomorrow, to be exact.  Congratulations!

Now remember, when the elves arrive to assemble your bunks, that this is in fact your Christmas present, so please do not ask us for another big present, as it will have already been delivered.  However, we will still deliver your Christmas Eve pajamas as always, and see to it that our boss, Santa Claus, stuffs your stocking to the brim!

Once again, congratulations, and enjoy your new bunk beds.  We've worked very hard to make them extra special with all the jingle bells and whistles--ladder and all.  We'll be assembling them in your bedroom when you're in school--Shhh, dont tell the other kids in class!

Christmas Cheers,
The Elves

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